


Drunk and Bored

by VoidAndroid



Category: Ylvis
Genre: Alternate Universe, Drunkenness, M/M, Sibling Incest, Strip Tease
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-12
Updated: 2014-01-12
Packaged: 2018-01-08 10:32:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1131598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VoidAndroid/pseuds/VoidAndroid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bard and Vegard are bored and drunk.  Whatever will they do to fill the time?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drunk and Bored

**Author's Note:**

> This is an Alternate Universe where they aren't married and I suppose they live together. I wrote this for The Parsley because they got me into Ylvis. Just a silly fic I wrote in half an hour.

It was raining. The sound was pounding, drowning out the noises of the city. Water poured in sheets over the windows and blurred the lights beyond them. It was the kind of night that made one want to stay home even though home was boring. The kind of night that made one break out the liquor and commence getting drunk just to suppress the need for wandering and creating chaos in the world. A night of planned debauchery had been shot down by the surprise storm, and Vegard and Bard, dressed to impress down to their fancy boxer shorts, decided to drown their disappointment in alcohol. 

"I'm so bored," Vegard said as he laid on his back, sprawled on the soft couch, half empty bottle in his hand hanging over the side. He ran his other hand through his glossy black curls and sighed dramatically. "Baaard!" he whined. 

Bard was sitting across from him in a matching chair. He silently watched Vegard, leaning his chin in his hands, blond hair curtaining his narrow face. "Shut up," he muttered, throwing himself back into the chair and resting his head over the back of it. "I'm bored too."

Vegard tried to sit up, but he was as drunk as he was bored, and he giggled a bit at himself as he sluggishly slid onto his back once again. "Bard," he whispered loudly, "I'm drunk!"

Bard said nothing. He was pretty drunk himself, and only wanted to enjoy the pleasurable numbness. But Vegard wouldn't let him have any peace. 

"BARD!" he shouted, and he squirmed on the couch so he could lift his head and take another sip of liquor. "Let's do something."

"Like what?" Bard knew that Vegard's suggestion was empty. His brother could hardly move.

"Don't know. Board games?"

"I don't like board games. You know that." 

"You put on some music and we will pretend we're at the club."

"You can't even sit up."

"I'll watch you dance." Vegard's brown eyes brightened. "It can be a strip club."

Bard couldn't help but grin a little. "You're screwed up, Vegard. How come I'm always the one getting naked?"

"Because you're the hot one." Vegard didn't sound jealous at all, only matter of fact. "Just the way it is."

Vegard may have been too drunk to do much of anything, but Bard still had moderate control of his body. He leaned forward and looked at his brother, who was giving him a cute smile, and Vegard waggled his eyebrows playfully. 

"C'mon, let me see that skinny ass shake," Vegard begged, pouting, his full lower lip replacing the thinner one on top. 

"My brother is so fucking weird," Bard declared, but he was smiling. "And yeah I'm the hot one, but you're adorable. Look at your face. Who could say no to that?"

Vegard grinned happily. "Yes! Come on Bard. Dance!" 

Bard had done much worse than this in front of Vegard. He had trampolined naked before him, skinny dipped, did a photo shoot in wet skinny jeans, even watched Vegard get whipped by another man. Yet when it was only the two of them, it made things completely different. This wasn't for the entertainment of their fan base. This was just Vegard and Bard at home. 

Vegard was watching intently. Bard had on his serious face, one he wore well, and he shrugged off his suit jacket and tossed it in the chair in which he'd been sitting moments earlier. As he loosened his tie from around his slim neck and slid the knot downward, his hips began to move, and he watched as Vegard's dark eyes traveled from hips to neck in fascination. There was no music, Bard had forgotten that part, but he pretended there was, tossing his head so that his long smooth hair moved around his face and swiveling his hips to a sensual beat.

Vegard laughed as Bard danced up to him where he laid on the couch and with a momumental, inhuman force of will, Vegard sat himself up for a better view. He wasn't sure how he was able to get himself into a sitting position. But it was worth it. Bard removed his tie and draped it around Vegard's neck, the silky material caressing his warm skin. 

"You're so sexy. It's sickening," Vegard complained. 

"Am I being entertaining?" Bard asked, still remaining serious, but Vegard could recognize the evil little glimmer in Bard's blue eyes. He started on the buttons of his shirt, revealing inches of pale skin that Vegard had seen on myriad occasions, his body swaying gently. "Do I turn you on?"

Vegard bit his tongue. Bard was asking that as a joke. He knew that, but that didn't make his reply any less truthful. "I'd fuck you."

"Yeah?" Bard slowly let the shirt drop to the floor. He turned his back to Vegard and shook his rear at him as he began to unbuckle his belt. 

"Yeah." 

"Too bad you're too drunk to fuck me then." The pants fell and Bard was now in shiny silky boxers. 

Vegard laughed, not even realizing that his own voice was husky. "Cock tease."

Bard turned and regarded Vegard. His brother was blushing, cheeks pink underneath his spiraling hair, and lust simmered in his eyes. Bard had always pushed things he shouldn't, and sometimes he broke rules just because they existed and for no other reason than that. That was why he didn't hesitate to slide his way into Vegard's lap, spreading his thighs across his brother's waist and pressing against him, feeling him tense.

"You think I'm a tease?" he asked, his breath hot on Vegard's neck. 

Vegard was unsure of what was going on at that point. He blinked and decided not to move, afraid of doing anything that would make Bard stop. "Did I pay for a lap dance?"

"Mhm," Bard agreed, playing along since Vegard seemed to be more comfortable pretending this was a game. "But you can't touch the merchandise." He leaned back, loving the red color that was spreading down Vegard's neck. He placed his hands on either side of Vegard's knees and gyrated his hips in a slow circle, watching the way Vegard's lips parted and his eyes got larger. 

A flash of lightning broke the spell, and Bard suddenly clinged to Vegard, having been taken by surprise when a burst of thunder rolled through the flat, rumbling in his body. They looked at each other after and started laughing. 

"That scared you," Vegard teased. "C'mere and let big brother protect you."

"Shut up," Bard demanded. Their faces were incredibly close, and Vegard's eyes had never looked so deep and brown. Dark lashes ringed them, and his curls fell around them. Bard was still straddling him and he seemed to suddenly realize how crazy it was to be doing such a thing. 

"Next time I dance for you, yeah?" Vegard smiled and slapped Bard on the bottom.

Bard jumped out of his lap and gave him a glare. "Who'd want to see that?" he refused, rubbing the sore spot on his ass. He stumbled as he was trying to get back into his pants and fell back on the couch beside his brother. "Fuck."

Vegard moved as if to help him, but instead he leaned into Bard's scantily clad lap, his cheek resting against Bard's thigh. "Grumpy."

"Get off me." Bard pushed his hips up so he could bounce Vegard off his lap, but Vegard was limp. He'd passed out with his face on Bard's leg. "Idiot." He smiled to himself and placed his hand in Vegard's hair, stroking the soft curls. No harm in resting for a while now that Vegard was unconscious and finally quiet. Bard leaned his head back across the couch and kept petting through his brother's hair, not feeling bored anymore, but feeling very content.


End file.
